Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

At some point in my adventures as a newly single woman the inevitable will happen. Yes, that ugly four letter word...DATE.

I'm not ready. I may never be ready.


Unfortunately, misadventures in dating are great writing material. No one wants to read a blog about me discovering myself at mid-life and doing lots of yoga. Elizabeth Gilbert already covered that in her book "Eat, Pray, Love". Her book wouldn't have been nearly as interesting if at the end her handsome knight in shining armor hadn't shown up.

My book would be more like "Eat, Drink Too Much, Wake Up With Mysterious Discharge".

I got approached and asked out last week. He was bold, charming, handsome, and well built.

He was 22.
I thought he was a sales clerk and trailing me around for commission.

When he approached me and introduced himself, I stood there flapping my lips like a trout. I don't know what actually came out of my mouth until I heard myself telling him that he was braver than most grown men. Realizing I had insulted him since he thought he was grown, I hastily amended it to "older men".

We stood around and talked some more because I was too embarassed to just walk away from him. He was from Ocala."Oh, I hear they have awesome zip line eco-tours there", I told him. "Yeah, my dad wants to do that", he answered.

 I wonder if his dad is single?

Which leads me to thinking about what the hell would you talk about on a date with someone Travis' age? I know lots of women my age date younger men, but besides screwing yourself into a hell fire burning urinary tract infection, what the hell do you have for common interests?

After polling friends, this is what we came up with as some icebreakers:

1. "So, have your wisdom teeth come in yet?"
2. "Have your testicles dropped yet?"
3. "Oh? You were in 5th grade during 9-11?"
4. "And your teacher looked just like me?"
5. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Travis. Nice to meet you, I'll have him back by his curfew."
6. "No, I'm not so good at beer pong."
7. "The club opens at what time?"
8. "Oh, you don't have your ID with you? Well I guess I'll have to buy the six pack."
9. "I would love to come over and watch you and your friends play "Call of Duty".
10. "How many room mates do you have?"

I could go on forever, but the moral to this story is:

Never date anyone that you could have potentially given birth to.

Somebody should have told Demi Moore that. They could have saved her a lot of heartache and trips to the doctor for cystitis.